Taking care

I have felt/been so busy lately. Even when I am at home, I can't enjoy it. My time here is so little that I can't get any of the things done I need to...i.e. clean my room, so when I'm here, I can't enjoy it cause I know there are things I should be doing, but I'm just too exhausted. So I come home, watch a little TV cause I always need to chill when I first get home, check my email and go to bed for the most part. There are nights like tonight that, sure, I could be cleaning, or doing things I need to be doing and not writing a blog, but who wants to do that kind of stuff at 11:30 pm. I think my biggest problem is I get too wrapped up in work and things like that. I'm at home, and I'm thinking about all the things I need or want to be doing at work. I can't wait to go to bed, so I can get up and go back to work. Now, that'd all be great if it was because I totally loved my job (which I am quiet fond of but not enough to want to be there all the time--who is?) but I just can't seem to relax when I'm at home. I'm always thinking about work, or CASA stuff or one of my 10 million extracurricular activities (Bible Study, teen Bible study, church, music practice, my second job). I've concluded that this probably isn't healthy. But I also realize I tend to get really wrapped up in my work. I could totally see myself being a "workaholic" when I get older. I was doing it in college working part-time. I'd go on vacation and have to call the office to make sure I left all the information I needed too (as if they couldn't function without little ol' me). And that was in college! I did the same thing working at the jail. For a while, at least one of my two nights off was spent there for some part of it, whether it was just stopping by, bringing someone food, etc.... Now granted, what I do now is a little different. It's not like I'm there on Saturdays and Sundays working. I quiet enjoy my peaceful weekends (mostly because I'm exhausted usually). So yeah, all this got me to thinking that me getting all wrapped up in work and CASA or anything that could be seen as "work" whether its my actual job or not, is probably some way of me not dealing with life in general. Not that life is bad. But if I don't take time for myself, then I don't have to worry about it getting bad cause I'll be too busy to notice. I think that is what I'm afraid of. I've had a year full of turmoil this past year and now that it seems to have settled, I think I've thrown myself into too much stuff in order to avoid dealing with how I feel about all that stuff. Not that I want to quit anything I'm doing. I don't. I like everything I'm doing...I think I just need to remember that I still have to take care of myself. We talked about that in CASA training tonight, how you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. This is not one of my strong suits (taking care of myself). I guess over the next few weeks I need to start figuring out how though before I run myself down and back into my ever consistent cycle.

Yeah, I guess that was a pretty deep blog. Deeper than normal anyway.