Passionate Surrender

Okay, so after two weeks of really good Bible studies, I'm feeling pretty good. I had gotten kind of lackluster in my relationship with the Lord lately. I was going through all the right motions and still had the desire to be close to God, but I felt like the excitement was gone. And that happens sometimes, it does go away, and for me, those are the hardest times for me to remain faithful. I like excitement. I like being passionate about things. Lately though, my passion had turned to just kind of lacklusterness (yeah, i don't care if it's not a word). I let my patience and understanding and compassion for people get over taken by bitterness and selfishness and contempt. I got so self obsessed that only my feelings and my wants and my needs were important to me. Luckily, I kept God in there just enough so that I didn't act like a total jerk to people, it was mostly on the inside. One thing I've worked hard at and learned over the years is that sometimes spilling every single emotion we have at people isn't always best. It's much better to spill them to God, cause He already knows them, and he'll forgive you...whereas sometimes people need some healing time.

So it has been awesome to see the correlation in letting go of certain things in my life I can't control. Surrendering them to God. Immediately this energy and passion is back. It's like, maybe it was there all along, but I couldn't see it for all the crap in my life. Kind of like my bedroom. Generally it's so cluttered with books and clothes and stuff on my floor that I don't realize the size of my room and the capabilities of it (changing it around, making room for things, etc...). I like being here a lot more when it's clutter free...kind of like my life. I like living life a lot more when it's free from clutter. Free from worries, troubles and hurt pride. Sure that stuff will always be there, but doing a the daily maintenance/cleaning of it makes it a whole lot simpler.

Surrender. That was my word for last week, and I think I'm going to stay with the same word/idea this week. I've got to surrender the little petty things especially because life is much more than stupid arguments, bad days and selfish desires. Once I can let go of them, then letting go of the big things will be a lot easier too and a lot easier to deal with. So yeah, I have to remember that and remember that as someone said tonight, life is about our relationships with other people and our relationship with the Lord. And building relationships is exciting when there aren't things blocking it. Hopefully freeing myself of the clutter will help me keep my passion for Christ and my passion toward others.